Working late and riding the drunk train

22 01 2010

Politech posted this really funny little story about is commute home: He put it up on SlashDot, but not on his blog. Who knows why? But since we both post everything to the public domain I don’t have to feel bad about reposting the entire story. Enjoy:

We had to work a bit late and my boss and I ended up on the 9:40pm train. We got there just in the nick of time.

Now it’s the late train and that means its the “milk run”, with the train stopping at every stop. (express trains during rush hour help make getting to and from downtown a lot less stressful and a little cheaper than driving, but I digress)

An extra twenty minutes of train ride, great!

So at the second stop two very inebriated gentlemen get on the train and proceed to “Loud talk” their drunken blather on the train. (train etiquette is to be a quiet as possible, think library) After a minute or five of having the honor of perceiving the dulcet sounds of their very intelligent discourse the conductor arrives to punch their tickets.

Now old drunk number one has a “ten ride” ticket with one punch left on it … just enough to get him to his stop. However, idiot number two starts the old “panhandler” bit, telling the conductor he has no cash, … let him have a ride … Just this once … I have to get where I’m going … blah blah blah. This goes on as the conductor leads the gentleman to the vestibule.

After a bit of back and forth between them, the conductor tells the intoxicated chap that he will have to debark at the next stop. (No one rides free except for a few frailies, and most of them are too ashamed to use the free pass and they buy a ticket anyhoo … and I say good for them! For not making me pay for part of their ride, but again I digress)

Then as if by magic our inebriated friend produced a handful of cash! My goodness!!! Why he has plenty of money to pay his fare. So he hands the conductor some money and blathers semi-incoherently that he just ‘”forgott” about the cash!

Now the conductor has to sell you a ticket. (this is a kind of old fashioned thing where the conductor punches the bits on the ticket that record the destination and price). He then gives the passenger a copy and he keeps a copy for the train company.

Evidentially our drunk buddy has never ridden the commuter train before and he starts yelling at the conductor about standing over him and being threatening or some such blather. The conductor (who you can just tell has had about enough of this guy) just keeps punching his ticket and gives our pal his copy.

Well now … our itinerant genius calculates that it’s a good idea to crumple up the ticket and throw it at the conductors face. (and yea he missed). So the paper is sitting at the conductors foot … Drunk number one (who obviously has ridden the train a time or two) jumps down and picks it up!

Drunk number one then starts to try to smooth the crumpled paper out while blithering that it wasn’t littering! (another no-no) Not litter! No! No! No! … not at all … and wow did the conductor know that even though the train conductor doesn’t take credit cards (yea he asked) drunk number one has heard of just such a gadget … blah blah … really a valiant effort.

But the conductor has had enough and he tells our drunk friend passenger number two that the next stop is his last stop. And blasted passenger number one gets to accompany him.

Now they get mad

Drunk number one keeps on with “it wasn’t littering” bit, wile drunk number two has the brilliant insight that the conductor was “eyeballing” him in the vestibule! A capitol offense if there ever was one!

The conductor tells him that if he doesn’t want to get off the train, the cops will be happy to help him decide to do just that. Well drunk number two knows when he’s being insulted, and he tells the conductor to go ahead and call the cops, he paid his ticket.

We get down two stops and once there the train waits … and waits … for the cops … while the drunks yell to each other about what an asshole the conductor was blah blah.

I tried to take a video and that made a few passengers laugh, (it was getting kind of tense). My phone sucks, so no video sorry. But it did make some of the paying passengers smile if nothing else.

So the cops come on-board and after a brief discussion our two inebriated acquaintances debarked and were last seen standing on the train platform in the freezing rain arguing with a cop. (Fat lot of good that was going do, but I did get a laugh).

So my 45 minute train ride took about an hour and twenty, but it was entertaining.

I wish Illinois had concealed carry.





Pete Stark: The larger the national debt, the wealthier we are!

3 09 2009

So the more you owe, the more you’re worth!

“Shut up!”
“Shut up!”

“This interview is over … now get the fuck out of here or I’ll throw you out the window”

Classy!





Shrub I morphs into Shrub II

26 03 2009
ShrubMorph

ShrubMorph

Shrub-I

Shrub-I

Shrub II

Shrub II





Ob-Urkel-ing the DOW

6 03 2009

oberkal





L.A. Times; The Idiocracy Newspaper of Record

30 10 2008

I just got an email form a reliable source describing an L.A. Times video of Barak Obama saying some slightly controversial things at a get together with his close friends…

Here is the transcript:

Good evening folks Let me lay out my “Hope and Change” Plan for the New US Government.

We can help terminate America’s infatuation with so-called freedom of speech and replace it with hate crime bills state-wide and by enacting the Fairness Doctrine, along with federal hate crime legislation for nation-wide information control. We can use technical decisions of the courts to weaken basic American individual rights by claiming their activities violate civil rights.

We will wage a war of words using black leaders like Louis Farrakhan, Rev. Jesse Jackson and other visible religious personalities to promote multiculturism until such a time as Islam is the national African-American’s religion, force Christianity underground and pass laws that make Christian churches for whites only! After which we will close those churches because of their “prejudice”.

We will engage the American public in dialogues, discussions, debates in colleges, universities, public libraries, radio, TV, churches and mosques on the virtues of Islam and collectivism. Those low-brow enough to object or speak out against these ideas will be researched thoroughly by government operatives, censured and jailed if possible for expressing opinions contrary to my national leadership.

I pledge to nominate only good socialist or Muslim leaders to appointed offices, where they will enforce only those laws and legislation that are favorable to Islam and socialist beliefs. Once we have control of the legislative bodies we will be able to and support Islamic law and socialist fairness by block voting for important causes.

We have taken control of much of Hollywood, the press, TV, radio and the internet by buying the corporations or a controlling stock, once I am president we can then remove the last remnants of the greedy capitalist control. Infiltrate the press. Get control of book-review assignments, editorial writing, and policymaking positions. We will gain control of key positions in radio, TV, and motion pictures.

I pledge to yield control of all oil producing nations to China and Russia to reduce the fear of imminent shut-off of the lifeblood of America – the black gold. America’s economy depends on oil, (1000 products are derived from oil), so does its personal and industrial transportation and manufacturing -41% comes from the Middle East. We must not allow our Arab brothers to fall.

We can use a strategy of yelling, “foul, out-of-context, personal interpretation, hate crime, Zionist, un- American, inaccurate interpretation, racism!” any time Islam or our socialist policy is criticized or analyzed in the public arena.

I will encourage other Muslims beside myself to penetrate the Washington establishment, specifically with Islamists and socialists who can articulate a marvelous and peaceful picture of Islamic socialistic paradise.

I promise to support socialists who can make the case for Marxist ideology, acquire government positions, get membership in local school boards, and place socialist supporters in as many positions of power a possible as soon as possible after my election to high office.

I pledge to train Muslims as medical doctors in order to dominate the medical field, research and pharmaceutical companies and bring a new era of Islamic socialist ideology into the American body politic. I will encourage governmental take over the computer industry.

I will pass laws forcing the establishing of thousands of Middle Eastern fast food restaurants throughout the U.S. (Obama King!) These restaurants wll serve only healthy middle eastern food, and will also allow us to connect party planners of Socialistic Islam in a discreet way. (And over dinner!)

I will start steps toward Accelerating Socialistic Islamic demographic growth via the following:

I will support Massive immigration reform to stop immigration of Mexicans and other non Islamic peoples and pass laws favorable to Islamic immigrants.

I will outlaw birth control for Muslims – every baby of Muslim parents is automatically granted an American citizenship regardless of birth country.

I will pass laws that Socialistic Islam party member’s men must marry American women and Islamize them. We will make rules that encourage good Islamic men to divorce the white women and remarry another white woman every five years.

I will fix our unfair prison system by converting black inmates to Islam and train them as government enforcers of Islamic rules.

Reading, writing, arithmetic and research through the American educational system, mosques and student centers has been very successful in Socialistic training and dislike of Jews, evangelical Christians and democracy. I pledge to make it even better!

I will provide very sizeable monetary grants to colleges and universities in America to establish “Centers for Islamic studies” with Muslim directors to promote Islam in higher education institutions. I will also support our Communist brethren who have been held captive and powerless by the capitalists for far too long.

I will let the entire world know through propaganda, speeches, and seminars, local and national media that the true terrorists are those who have attacked Islam.

I will continue to appeal to the historically compassionate and sensitive Americans for sympathy and tolerance towards the Muslims in America who are mainly immigrants from oppressed countries.

I will maintain control of America’s sense of security by manipulating the intelligence community with misinformation. Periodically terrorize Americans of impending attacks on bridges, tunnels, water supplies, airports, apartment buildings and malls. We will only try and convict White males of these acts. (No matter who actually committed the acts, for historical fairness)

I will encourage our Socialist Islamic brethren to perform riots and demonstrations in the prison system demanding Islamic Socialism as the right way of life, not the unjust American justice system.

I will support opening numerous charities and Community organizations throughout the U.S. and use the funds to support Socialistic Islam movements and causes.

I pledge raise interest in Socialistic Islam on America’s campuses by insisting that freshman take at least one course on Socialistic Islam. Be sure that the teachers will be bonafide American, Christian, scholars who will be able to quell any questions about perceived violence in the Quran and teach students to express only the peaceful, spiritual and religious aspect of this powerful movement. Get control of the schools. Use them as transmission belts for socialism and current Islamic propaganda. Soften the curriculum. Get control of teachers’ associations. Put the party line in textbooks.
Gain control of all student newspapers. Use student riots to foment public protests against programs or organizations which we can then attack.

I will unify the numerous Muslim lobbies in Washington, mosques, Islamic student centers, educational organizations, magazines and papers by internet and an annual convention to coordinate plans, propagate the faith and engender news in the media of their visibility.

My private army will send intimidating messages and messengers to the outspoken individuals who are critical of socialistic Islam and seek to eliminate them by intimidation, legal mauvering jail time or untimely death.

We should all applaud those socialistically aware Muslims as loyal citizens of the US by spotlighting their voting record as the highest percentage of all minority and ethnic groups in America.

When elected I will try to promote the U.N. as the only hope for mankind. If its charter is rewritten, I will demand that it be set up as a one-world government with its own independent armed forces.

Once I have captured one or both of the political parties in the United States, I pledge to absorb the American Communist Party into my movement!

What?!!! You say that this is not the actual transcript?

Prove it!

Next up, the guest list…





Senator Government Pays the Price for his “Dukakis Tank Moment”

16 10 2008

I want to vote for Joe the Plumber.
The only one not selling us Brawndo.





One Horsepower Car … Literally One Horse!

3 09 2007

Is this satire or is it serious?

You tell me.

Here is the site: FleetHorse.com

Via: AutoBlog

Here is a picture of this contraption … Thanks PoliTech for the picture!

Fleethorse

But watch the video, it’s really funny!